I guess it's stress

There a few things I am known, by Jason, for doing in my sleep. I have talked in my sleep, I have walked in my sleep (haven't since we lived in TX though), grind my teeth and apparently now a grunting growl?

I haven't grind my teeth in a long long time. I remember when Jason and I first married I was under a good amount of stress and I would wake up in the middle of the night to him holding my jaw with his hand very gently to stop me. I never knew he did this until one night it woke me and my thoughts were "what is he doing to me?" but I wasn't fully awake to ask him so I guess I just feel back to sleep. He usually tells me the next morning what I did.

Well, this morning after we get up he said I was grinding my teeth really bad last night and I was making this low grunting growl sound until he reached over and gently held my jaw to stop me. He said it was more than I usually do. I guess I am under a good amount of stress....can't imagine why. The dangerous thing though is that I have TMJ so if I grind my teeth it makes it worse.

My biggest problem is that I bottle most my feelings up. I will go through out my day and with out sharing with even Jason my concerns, fears, etc....I know God is in control and I have a BEAUTIFUL inheritance :) (this keeps running through my brain) but I am a problem solver, not as much as Jason, but when I see a situation or problem I will analyze and analyze and I am known for OVER analyzing how to fix it.

I don't like knowing what to do and I really don't like knowing what's going to happen. This maybe the area that will label me as a controlling person. So as I try to take on the world myself and fail miserably at it while my emotions are reeling out of control but not completely.....yet?, I turn to the only hope I have, the Lord. Why would I be so stressed over such a blessing that comes from the Lord? He does NOT make mistakes! He has chosen to open my womb and create life, to increase HIS Inheritance! WOW, I am starting to cry (that would be the reeling emotions), I know God will take care of us because He always has. And I feel so honored that he would choose to increase His inheritance by giving us another child to raise in our home, His child who will be taught about His son Jesus, and raised to be a follower of Christ to further the Kingdom of God.

Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 136: 13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, ever
y one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

To Him be the glory forever! Now I have a party to get ready for.... ;)


  1. The Hall's said...
    Like I have told you I know exactly where you are coming from and have felt all those same thoughts. With Millie, I knew what a miracle children are yet I was so upset because things were made more difficult. I have a real problem with trying to control everything myself and figure it all out on my own and God has to show me over and over again that HE is in control. I know that, yet I fight Him on it. One thing that always keeps me going is looking back at those times in my life when I felt that way and when I thought my world was crashing down and then see how God brought me out of that and how it did indeed all work out-maybe not how I had planned but it worked out and that doesn't always mean it is going to be easy. It is still tough-having 4 and a husband in Seminary and working like crazy and 1 income and the list goes on and you know that but I wouldn't trade her for the world-or any of them for that matter. Elleigh and Millie both were big surprises for us. However, don't beat yourself up either about feeling like your life is out of control and you don't know what to do-we are human and we have those thoughts and emotions. So cry and tell God how you feel (and us) and work it all out. I am here for you!
    The Hall's said...
    Oh and don't forget YOU ARE PREGNANT so your emotions are at an all time high. I would be accepting of it one day and falling apart the next. You are doing good. Hang in there!
    Jennifer said...
    I so wish I could stop by and help for a bit... I have a friend who serves God overseas and she decided to start a separate blog that is private and no one reads. Here, she pours her heart out, without editing, so she doesn't have to feel like all of the cares of the world are on her shoulders.

    I thought it was a good idea, well, good enough to share anyway. And then someday, like Cameron said, you can go back and see what God has brought you through.
    JGWmom said...
    I don't know if you've read it yet, but in the very back of the booklet we got at Beth Moore is an excerpt of her study, "Stepping Up, A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent". On the very back page, p.66, in that excerpt is a quote from John Calvin giving his description of the book of Psalms. I like how he puts it when he calls it(Psalms)"An Anatomy of all the Parts of the Soul, for there is not ANY emotion of which anyone can be conscious that is not here represented as in a mirror. Or rather, the Holy Spirit has here drawn to the life all the griefs, sorrows, fears, doubts, hopes, cares, perplexities, in short, all the distracting emotions with which the minds of men (and women) are wont to be agitated." If the psalmists were allowed by the Lord to pour out their hearts to Him, then know that you are allowed to do so also! Stay in His Word and know that He will never leave you nor forsake you! I'm here for ya, too!

    queen of sheba said...
    WOW.....thanks gals.....
    I would respond to y'all but I just got back from walmart and I am exhausted.....so I will just say THank you and I LOVE YOU!!!

    Can you believe I have to go back! I forgot the Ice cream for tonight and it was on my list LOL

    Jenn--you will have to try calling again, I don't have long distance calling and my cell is dead ;p
    Anonymous said...
    I too am a planner and relate to what you were saying about knowing He is in control, but still having that worry and stress affect you. It's still a battle I face and have to release constantly.

    But someone once was talking about the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They said that it's always important to remember that the only things that were burned in the fiery furnace were the things that were binding them. That one statement has stuck with me and given me strength many a day.

    PS. Congratulations!
    queen of sheba said...
    Thank you ispeakbeanish!

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