Thank You

Jenn--Thank you for reminding me that Jesus suffered worse than we did from rejection. I was sharing with Jason last night how much I feel rejected.

Cameron--Thank you so much for praying for me to be in peace but ultimately a resolution that only God can give. I was actually sharing with Jason this morning about how much peace I feel because I did the right thing. I was scared to death, but I did it.

The kind of peace I have is knowing I sought God with every word I wrote. I know I did the right thing, and I finally, after many many long years of always blaming myself for everything and asking her to forgive me....even for things she said I did but never did, including apologizing for being "me".....I can't do this anymore! It has had a terrible impact on my self-esteem ( I was feel like I am never good enough for her), and it does not honor God. Cameron, you are right....I am very hard on myself and I have got to learn to love myself! I guess I have always struggled with this because in my mind "If momma doesn't love me who does?". God loves me, I am his creation, and through him I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am at peace knowing the tone in my letters were completely respectful, loving (by reminding her how much I miss and love her), and the door for reconciliation is always open for her to make things right with me. Although this pain weighs heavy on my heart, I am so honored I have friends and sisters in the lord to lift me and my mother to God. As long as she is alive there is always hope. I am just thankful I even have a mother weather good or bad when so many people in the world don't. Thank you so much for you love and prayers!! I hope someday I will be able to minister to someone who's heart is where mine is right now. We serve an awesome God and I hope that everything I am going through will be preparation for God's work because ultimately I desire to honor God with my actions and help further the kingdom of Christ.

2 Comments:

  1. The Hall's said...
    "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" Rom. 8:28

    God is allowing you to go through all of this for some purpose. Remember as difficult as they are, trials always make us stronger when we turn to Him.

    There are so many broken families out there and I am sure that some day you will be able to help someone going through something like this.

    I am proud of you for taking the steps you did. It is difficult to do things like this and I always have a hard time being the one to reach out because I am very stubborn but I always have to ask myself if I can say I did all I could do when I stand before the Lord. Now I'm feeling convicted. See you helped me!

    Cameron
    queen of sheba said...
    Girl...you are a mess! LOL
    I love the scripture verse! And you are sooo funny lol ;p

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