Jenn--Thank you for reminding me that Jesus suffered worse than we did from rejection. I was sharing with Jason last night how much I feel rejected.

Cameron--Thank you so much for praying for me to be in peace but ultimately a resolution that only God can give. I was actually sharing with Jason this morning about how much peace I feel because I did the right thing. I was scared to death, but I did it.

The kind of peace I have is knowing I sought God with every word I wrote. I know I did the right thing, and I finally, after many many long years of always blaming myself for everything and asking her to forgive me....even for things she said I did but never did, including apologizing for being "me".....I can't do this anymore! It has had a terrible impact on my self-esteem ( I was feel like I am never good enough for her), and it does not honor God. Cameron, you are right....I am very hard on myself and I have got to learn to love myself! I guess I have always struggled with this because in my mind "If momma doesn't love me who does?". God loves me, I am his creation, and through him I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am at peace knowing the tone in my letters were completely respectful, loving (by reminding her how much I miss and love her), and the door for reconciliation is always open for her to make things right with me. Although this pain weighs heavy on my heart, I am so honored I have friends and sisters in the lord to lift me and my mother to God. As long as she is alive there is always hope. I am just thankful I even have a mother weather good or bad when so many people in the world don't. Thank you so much for you love and prayers!! I hope someday I will be able to minister to someone who's heart is where mine is right now. We serve an awesome God and I hope that everything I am going through will be preparation for God's work because ultimately I desire to honor God with my actions and help further the kingdom of Christ.